Faith

Yesterday James developed his first fever. It came on during our ECFE class. He had a diaper rash - worse than any other before - that came along with it. It was scary. I pulled out my reference books and looked online during his nap to discover the rash was probably nothing. Still, our little guy was miserable. He spent the remainder of the afternoon laying around (literally) and groaning. He would think he was "okay," jump off our laps to do something and just fall back onto the ground. Rough day, rough night, rough day - he seems like he is turning a corner now.

What does this have to do with faith? James slept on my chest for about half the night. He had been there about an hour and a half. I was getting no real sleep and he was restless. I knew he would sleep better in his own bed, but I was scared. What if his fever spikes? What if this is more severe than we think and we lose our boy or he becomes very ill? It reminded me of when he was just born. Every time I laid him down in his crib was an act of faith - faith that God would protect my little boy from SIDS. As I laid him down in the middle of the night my faith was challenged. I needed faith that God loved him more than we do... faith that God would watch over him.... and faith that God would wake me if something were to happen. AND of course God was faithful.

Jess and I were discussing this topic today. This is the first time James has ever been sick - beyond a runny nose or cough. It is a hard realty to know that James' life is not under our total control. We can care for him, but if God chose to take him.... Too hard to discuss and yet another reason we are glad to have such a loving God who knows the big picture and still takes care of the small details like our lives.